Non-Attachment as I See It

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes; for those who love with heart and soul there is no separation - Rumi

As I get ready to move for the fourth time in the past year and a half, the thought of attachment, non-attachment and what the heck it all means is not far from my mind. But before I give you my ode to hippie freedom, first, an ode to my doggie. It will make sense at the end (or not :)

I have been an animal lover from a very young age. I asked my parents for a dog from the time I could utter the word. Because we lived in an apartment, a dog was out of the question. I had a hamster - Homa (this was a common hamster name in Ukraine, ok?) and a snail - his name was Slimey.

When I was 14, we moved to a house. I found a kitten abandoned by its mother in the garage and somehow, even to my own surprise since no one in my family was particularly fond of cats, convinced my parents to keep it. That was my first cat, Vasya - also a Russian name. She definitely opened up our eyes and our hearts, and had a very interesting affinity for the bathroom rugs.

my one and only, Alisa

Then, that fateful day finally arrived – I remember it as one of the happiest of my life. One day, I walked into the living room and there was my mom sitting on the couch, and in her lap, a blue-eyed wolf-looking animal staring back at me. I remember being in shock, then tears running down my face, and then hugs and screams and yelps - all mine. That’s when my husky, Alisa, entered my life. Now, she is in her 15th year, and I cannot imagine my life without those expressive, knowing, dark-rimmed eyes, the incessant howling or her pawing on my arm when she wants to go out. I have learned so much about love from her – real unconditional, no holds barred love.

I have had a difficult time coming to terms with Alisa's imminent death. She turns 15 (105 in human years) on Dec. 10 and, like everyone else, human and not, she is going to die.

Yoga philosophy stresses non-attachment as one of the tools to reach enlightenment. At first glance, non-attachment to me means not caring, not being emotionally attached. It sounds so cruel, so, well, inhumane. It's easier for me to think of non-attachment in terms of things, like shoes, for example. Although, I must admit, i have a very unhealthy attachment to several pairs of sandals.

This non-attachment becomes even more and more difficult when applied to people. For example, I am, yet again, spreading my gypsy wings and moving. The past year in Heidelberg has been amazing, and the people that have become part of my life, even more so. So, it's quite impossible for me to apply this sort of non-attachment to them because the very opposite is actually the truth.

While I continued to struggle with this thought - understanding that non-attachment leads to freedom, in mind and body (I actually really enjoy non-attachment to mobile phone contracts, and contracts of all sorts) and also knowing that I simply cannot be unattached to the people and animals in my life without feeling like I am in some way not showing or honoring my love for them.

Then, it donned on me: this non-attachment is not supposed to be a lack of emotion or lack of care for that person/animal. Rather, it is supposed to be a lack of care for the end, the outcome of the relationship. That is, non-attachment to the consequences of the relationship, but a commitment to the present, the journey that relationship takes. Change is imminent - everywhere, all the time. Climate change, growing up, breaking up, changing jobs, moving houses. Change is the only constant in life.

oh, the places my sandals have been: Brindivan Gardens, Mysore, India

And so, this sadness for the imminent passing of my dog is rather happiness for the moments of her life; for the 15 years of chasing her down the street as she ran after a motorcycle; 15 years of listening to that howl and staring at those understanding eyes. The sadness for leaving the beautiful people i met in Heidelberg (as well as all the other amazing people who have honored me with their friendship) becomes the happiness that I have experienced every day that I have known them and the love that they brought out in me; as well as a commitment to do everything I can to continue to know them, to stay in touch, to show them my love (even from far away), while not knowing how long we will in fact remain in touch or even be friends; not knowing if they will always be a part of my life and being ok with that. Even the sadness at losing my favorite pair of sandals (yes, admittedly very trivial) turns into the journey I have had with my shoes: oh the adventures we had together, the roads we traveled and the beautiful and dirty places we saw.

Non-attachment is not a death sentence for your emotions. It is not detachment, but rather the opposite. It's a reminder to stay in the present, not only that, but to appreciate it, without worrying or stressing about the future, the consequences, especially those out of your control.

Yes, dogs and people will leave our lives, so will shoes, but if we face these changes with an open heart, an open mind and with the understanding that change is not a bad thing, we will be unattached, free. Not necessarily like granola-eating, non-bathing hippies, with glazed over eyes who seem to have no care in the world, though those are great, but like people that truly experience and appreciate every single day because the only thing certain about the future is change. Today will not be today when it becomes tomorrow, so there is no sense in holding on, rather being open to the journey and whatever it may bring.