Non-Attachment as I See It

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes; for those who love with heart and soul there is no separation - Rumi

As I get ready to move for the fourth time in the past year and a half, the thought of attachment, non-attachment and what the heck it all means is not far from my mind. But before I give you my ode to hippie freedom, first, an ode to my doggie. It will make sense at the end (or not :)

I have been an animal lover from a very young age. I asked my parents for a dog from the time I could utter the word. Because we lived in an apartment, a dog was out of the question. I had a hamster - Homa (this was a common hamster name in Ukraine, ok?) and a snail - his name was Slimey.

When I was 14, we moved to a house. I found a kitten abandoned by its mother in the garage and somehow, even to my own surprise since no one in my family was particularly fond of cats, convinced my parents to keep it. That was my first cat, Vasya - also a Russian name. She definitely opened up our eyes and our hearts, and had a very interesting affinity for the bathroom rugs.

my one and only, Alisa

Then, that fateful day finally arrived – I remember it as one of the happiest of my life. One day, I walked into the living room and there was my mom sitting on the couch, and in her lap, a blue-eyed wolf-looking animal staring back at me. I remember being in shock, then tears running down my face, and then hugs and screams and yelps - all mine. That’s when my husky, Alisa, entered my life. Now, she is in her 15th year, and I cannot imagine my life without those expressive, knowing, dark-rimmed eyes, the incessant howling or her pawing on my arm when she wants to go out. I have learned so much about love from her – real unconditional, no holds barred love.

I have had a difficult time coming to terms with Alisa's imminent death. She turns 15 (105 in human years) on Dec. 10 and, like everyone else, human and not, she is going to die.

Yoga philosophy stresses non-attachment as one of the tools to reach enlightenment. At first glance, non-attachment to me means not caring, not being emotionally attached. It sounds so cruel, so, well, inhumane. It's easier for me to think of non-attachment in terms of things, like shoes, for example. Although, I must admit, i have a very unhealthy attachment to several pairs of sandals.

This non-attachment becomes even more and more difficult when applied to people. For example, I am, yet again, spreading my gypsy wings and moving. The past year in Heidelberg has been amazing, and the people that have become part of my life, even more so. So, it's quite impossible for me to apply this sort of non-attachment to them because the very opposite is actually the truth.

While I continued to struggle with this thought - understanding that non-attachment leads to freedom, in mind and body (I actually really enjoy non-attachment to mobile phone contracts, and contracts of all sorts) and also knowing that I simply cannot be unattached to the people and animals in my life without feeling like I am in some way not showing or honoring my love for them.

Then, it donned on me: this non-attachment is not supposed to be a lack of emotion or lack of care for that person/animal. Rather, it is supposed to be a lack of care for the end, the outcome of the relationship. That is, non-attachment to the consequences of the relationship, but a commitment to the present, the journey that relationship takes. Change is imminent - everywhere, all the time. Climate change, growing up, breaking up, changing jobs, moving houses. Change is the only constant in life.

oh, the places my sandals have been: Brindivan Gardens, Mysore, India

And so, this sadness for the imminent passing of my dog is rather happiness for the moments of her life; for the 15 years of chasing her down the street as she ran after a motorcycle; 15 years of listening to that howl and staring at those understanding eyes. The sadness for leaving the beautiful people i met in Heidelberg (as well as all the other amazing people who have honored me with their friendship) becomes the happiness that I have experienced every day that I have known them and the love that they brought out in me; as well as a commitment to do everything I can to continue to know them, to stay in touch, to show them my love (even from far away), while not knowing how long we will in fact remain in touch or even be friends; not knowing if they will always be a part of my life and being ok with that. Even the sadness at losing my favorite pair of sandals (yes, admittedly very trivial) turns into the journey I have had with my shoes: oh the adventures we had together, the roads we traveled and the beautiful and dirty places we saw.

Non-attachment is not a death sentence for your emotions. It is not detachment, but rather the opposite. It's a reminder to stay in the present, not only that, but to appreciate it, without worrying or stressing about the future, the consequences, especially those out of your control.

Yes, dogs and people will leave our lives, so will shoes, but if we face these changes with an open heart, an open mind and with the understanding that change is not a bad thing, we will be unattached, free. Not necessarily like granola-eating, non-bathing hippies, with glazed over eyes who seem to have no care in the world, though those are great, but like people that truly experience and appreciate every single day because the only thing certain about the future is change. Today will not be today when it becomes tomorrow, so there is no sense in holding on, rather being open to the journey and whatever it may bring.

Just Yoga Already!

When I am around new people and the conversation turns to yoga, there is usually someone who says, "oh, I'd really like to try it, but i'm just not flexible."

see, soo much fun

PEOPLE! If you were a gymnast, I probably wouldn't tell you to try yoga, because then I would be the idiot slipping in a pool of my own sweat while you performed perfect handstand to chaturanga combinations while breathing like darth vader and chanting the sutras.

But yoga doesn't care!

It's not about the clothes (sorry lulu) or the body, or the freakin' mat! its about YOU! as much as yoga has evolved and changed, some even say it's been manipulated, fucked up, etc; it has always been about you. its YOUR yoga! see how even the first two letters of the words match up nicely.

The advice I'm about to give you is actually what yoga is all about.....

STOP THINKING!

yes, that's yoga!

It's not about touching your toes, or holding yourself up on one hand. Sure, those are great and they help us get to the goal.

It's about controlling the mind, about quieting all that mumbo jumbo inside your cabeza and just being. Thats what yoga helps you do. All the sweating and contorting is just a path to the stillness.

You don't have to be flexible, or have an om tattoo, or know the names of the poses.

So, get a towel, rug, sheet, go to the internets, google a yoga video (start with a 10-15 minute one) and just try to follow it. the end.

You don't have to like it. At least if you don't, the next time I post about some yoga retreat I'm going to with some creepy-looking guy whose name you can't pronounce, you can tell me, "not for me, i can't afford it."

happy breath day

exhale

i turned 29 yesterday. a part of me is very "time and age are arbitrary. whatever, its just another day. everyday should be celebrated and we shouldn't attach so much importance to just this one arbitrary date and splurge on earrings or indulge in copious amounts of prosecco, or whatever it is we don't allow ourselves to do on other days." while another part is all "yes!!!!! i made it to 29! with baby steps and giant leaps, with closed eyes and open heart. scared out of my mind, excited, confused, smiling. and im riding a bike now! and im attempting handstands. and im curious about 401Ks and IRAs, but not enough to find out what they are. and im feeling a pull behind my right knee in pachimottanasana (forward fold) and im finally confident teaching ujjai breath, especially when I relate it to darth vader. and im not so worried about fitting in. and im still wandering, full of ideas and goals and plans." then someone left a really insightful message on my facebook page: happy first breath day!

yes! thats exactly what i will celebrate. my breath! that day when i inhaled for the first time. when my lungs took in that first sip of oxygen and told the universe: "im here! make some room, im going to do big things!" ok, maybe it didnt go quite that way. there was probably way more pooping and sleeping involved. but i have been breathing (and pooping) ever since. mostly without giving much thought to the most natural life sustaining action everyone, regardless of race, creed, beliefs, languages, clothes, magic phones or internet access does. the breath, one of the most essential bodily functions, unites us. 

 

in yoga, breath is super important. if u do nothing else in a yoga practice, breathe! it doesnt even have to be in a yoga room with eco-friendly mats and lotus candles and jai uttal chanting on the ipod. it helps not to have ringing phones or open g-chats or screaming children while you do this, though.

close your eyes, concentrate on your breath, listen and feel. be aware of your chest rising and falling, the rhythm, the pace. and then make it longer, deeper. take in more air, hold it, let it go. enjoy. smile. and breathe. notice how your mind, completely concentrated on your breathing, is suddenly clear (ok, maybe it will take some time..you didnt get into bakasana in a day). and your body is still, just letting the breath move in and out. so your body and your mind are united in breath. there's that unity thing again! thats yoga! 

k, im going to breathe with all my 29 years + one day, now, and have some prosecco later.